Be Enthusiastic About Life!

This year, 2012...

Umpteen changes happened in my life this year. With that being said, I have changed as well. As I reminisce on this past year, I realize that I will never forget it. The beginning started rough, the middle was rough, and the end worked out into a nice breeze for this year. I will remember the good, the bad, and the ugly. I've embraced certain people and later on, burned the very bridge that was built. I stayed negative for the most part. I look back and wonder what went wrong with my life this year. I was slapped across the face with the thought of fruition that I was never openly happy with myself.

I've decided to only have one New Year's resolution. I sometimes think that these resolutions are bogus to a certain extent. I often wonder why people do make these resolutions, then at the end of the year, never succeed to fulfill most of them. It's like we want to change, but our own circumstances hinder our longing of becoming that "changed" individual. I've made plenty of changes in my life, some for the better and some far worse than before. So I pose this question to you all... Why do people make New Year's Resolutions? Why must we change? Are we changing for us, or for someone else? Are you going to remain positive and be you, OR are you going to pretend to be happy for someone else?

Don't doubt yourself...find yourself

I moved out on my own 3 years ago, moved to a new city, a new place to call home, new school, new people to meet, and new terrain. I would have never thought of moving to the place I did, or to accomplish the things I already have. I was always being told that I have changed. I'm not a little girl anymore. I wanted to learn my lessons and find out what life was like outside the box. I took a leap of bravery and made everyday count. Frankly, when someone tells you, "You've changed", it simply means, you've stopped living your life, their way.

This year was mentally challenging to me. I'm a strong willed woman, and I faced other strong willed people. I needed to find myself alone and frail to really find myself standing on my own, brave and taking on this world, one day at a time. I'll admit that this year was the most depressing. I felt vulnerable to the world. I felt like everyone could see my imperfections and I needed to hide. I was tired of letting people think for me, speak for me, walk my life for me...I just needed to be an adult, a growing adult.

I want to do what I want to do this time. No looking back, no what if's, and's or but's. Life was meant to be lived forward, not backwards. I thought I knew moving up here for school I'd become a nurse and achieve to receive my B.S.N. Well, negative thoughts on, "what if I can't do this" , "I don't think I'm smart enough", started to run through my head. If you think negative, you'll get negative. I ended up briskly changing my career choice and thought I was happy. Turns out, I was more embarrassed that I didn't finish what I had started. My lesson that I learned this year, don't let anyone tell you that you're not good enough to live out your dream. My other lesson I've learned and I always tell people, never settle for less than what you deserve.

The New Year's Resolutions.

#1. I'm going to remain positive this year. ( Yes, one resolution )

I will not feel like I must settle, feel defeated or feel the need to quit. 2012 was a year that I came to apprehend who I needed to be. From this starting point, I will love myself more and more each day. I love how I have found myself and I need to accept myself for being true. Flaws and all, I am going to take this new year and do it how I see fit. 2013 is going to be a stupendous year and I can't wait to be me this time around. You don't have to be an extraordinary person, to extraordinary things!

J. Cay

Goodbye, My Darling Myca Ray...

I'm usually not mushy, gushy and I usually don't post twice in the same week, but I thought it would be nice. It's Christmas time! I have to admit, I was a grinch for a couple of years. I never liked Christmas. I like the message behind Christmas, but the whole getting gifts for people; I can't stand going shopping for people...they are so hard to shop for.  In fact this is about my heartache of loosing my beloved pet, Myca. She was such an awesome dog. Myca was rescued with another dog, Simon, which I still have him. He's 10 years old and is still trucking. Myca was 6 when we first met. She was disobedient and just down right stubborn. Her and I worked through everything together we did 4-H together and Simon did as well. She was awesome in agility. That was her thing, and her only thing. She was a beast.

My Myca Ray-Ray

As Christmas time rolled around for the past few years, it was hard for me to except the fact that she was truly gone. I was working Christmas day when my mom was calling me saying she wasn't doing too well. The days prior to Christmas, Myca was struggling with some abdominal issues. She was only 9 years old, we didn't expect anything worse to come out of this. It was busy at work on December 25th, 2009. My phone kept ringing, it was my mom. My heart sank as I picked up the phone. I can remember down to the exact time that she called to give me the news, it was 5:39pm. All my mom could say was, "I'm so sorry Jill, Myca is gone".  She said we had to take her to a city which was an hour and a half drive from where we lived at the time. I was speechless. At that moment, I hated that date. I hated the fact that I wasn't able to be there. I composed myself, walked up to my boss and told her I had to leave work. She hesitated even though she knew what my situation was. I sat in the car with my dead dog for an hour and a half. We arrived at the vet and I said my final goodbyes. What a way to remember Christmas, right?

It is now the year 2012. Three years later, I have finally let it be. I have accepted that she is in a better place, frolicking with other wonderful pets. Simon is healthy and free spirited. He's been there for me his 8 months of life until this day and I couldn't ask for a better solution. This year's Christmas is different...I'm positive!

RAINBOW BRIDGE:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown... 


That's all folks,

J.Cay

A dream is a wish...

When I think of life after high school, I think of the most amazing college years that are to come and then life that is to follow after.  In my case, everything came backwards, minus the high school years of course. My life after high school in a nutshell: I started community college for 2 years, got no where with that, joined the Army soon after, went to basic, finished all my training with the Army, bought a condo in Flagstaff, went to Northern Arizona University, quit after 2 years of being there (since I felt like I wasn't going anywhere with life...GARBAGE THOUGHT), since joining the Army I had to deploy to Afghanistan for 9 months, of which I am still here, 1 month to go, then going back to this thing called "life".

Look out NAU, here I come...again! :) 

I quit on NAU when I left for deployment. I enrolled in an online university which most "working adults" usually do. I didn't want to be in that category just yet.  I switched majors and took the risk of not graduating like all other college students do, 4 years later. Here I am Class of 2005, still no graduation or diploma to show for. In all my thinking, I have done more than any "regular college" student has done with their academic career or life, for that matter. I'm a war veteran! I have taken time to realize what it is that I want out of life. In fact, I knew what I've wanted all my life. I just manage to be influenced by people who don't have faith in me. That my dear friends, is a hard lesson learned. Don't ever let someone convince you that you aren't good enough to live your dream. If they think you are not great enough to live your dream, that means that they want what they can't have or, they want you to live their dream. They'll try to crush your dreams. You must have faith like a mustard seed in order to see the big picture. Depend on God, and he'll keep you going.

Being out here, alone, fed to the wolves ( at least that's what it feels like) you have a lot of time to think about life, lessons, people, job career, family, and the next steps you want to take with your life. Throughout my high school years I wanted to be in the medical field, helping people. I went to NAU for that same dream. It didn't happen. I was not tenacious enough to push through. Now out here thinking about every detail of my life, I realize, that dream is still there. I just have to let it live. I'm pondering about Exercise Science as my major. I got hurt out here. My hips are in agony everyday. I was told by my doctor that I could not run anymore. I am a runner, always have been. I'm never going to give up running until my body tells me no more. My body has not said that yet. I have found solutions to my bones hurting when I run. I want to share my experiences with anyone who is in a similar situation as I. Helping people is what I love to do. It's something that runs in my blood and I would hate for it to go to waste. End of thoughts are: pursue your dream and it will come true! You just have to believe in yourself to get that far.

J. Cay

Detach and Move On..

I was approached with an idea of marriage today. Marriage is what you make of it. I don't account for ever being in such a serious relationship. I will allow myself to be vulnerable right now as I type these thoughts out onto a blog, for everyone to see. My relationship status has been single for about four years. I started dating at the lovely age of 19. I've had a totally of 2 boyfriends ( not serious relationships ) and to be honest, I wasn't really happy in either one. Call me bitter, yes, or no, I don't mind either way. You haven't walked in my shoes yet. The first guy, not great, not anything, just some dude I ended up dating and to this day, I have not spoken to him. The second guy, great guy, long distance doesn't work, end of relationships.

The approached idea was that of me eventually getting married. It's in God's control what happens to me. Right? Right. I appreciate the concern for my happiness, but I'm happy with what I'm doing right now. I have seen all my friends who marry people, Christians or not, get divorces months or years later. Why is it a trend to get married...then have children, and pretend to be happy when you know you're not? 

I ask this person to kindly stop talking about it, cuz it's not of their concern, then out of no where, I get a line like, "don't try to control me". What the freak?! I just ask you to kindly stop talking about something that is really irrelevant to what we were just talking about.  Why are some people so knit picky? I just get tired of hearing it from every which way. STOP TELLING ME I AM GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE MY LIFE. Let God deal with that. I am fully aware of what is to come when it deals with marriage. I don't want to get married, it all ends ugly nowadays anyway. I mean, am I wrong for asking them to stop talking about something that I really don't have any interest in?

RIDICULOUS.

The aftermath of all of this is, they pull out the novels and novels of what is to come. Then there's the why I will eventually change my mind lines and all that other garbage. Pulling out scriptures of the Bible, which don't get me wrong, I have no issues with, but let go of the matter that doesn't concern you. Why does it involve shoving something down your throat that you really just don't want to hear? Like I said before, I am content with life as it is.  Christians start to shove things in other peoples faces, it bugs the crap out of me. Just let it go and stop giving advice that is not wanted. You're entitled to your opinions, yes, I would just like to have you respect my wishes. Apparently that is too much to ask of you and now I am supposedly a control freak. Lesson of today, people will say anything, you just gotta learn how to detach and move on.