Be Enthusiastic About Life!

This year, 2012...

Umpteen changes happened in my life this year. With that being said, I have changed as well. As I reminisce on this past year, I realize that I will never forget it. The beginning started rough, the middle was rough, and the end worked out into a nice breeze for this year. I will remember the good, the bad, and the ugly. I've embraced certain people and later on, burned the very bridge that was built. I stayed negative for the most part. I look back and wonder what went wrong with my life this year. I was slapped across the face with the thought of fruition that I was never openly happy with myself.

I've decided to only have one New Year's resolution. I sometimes think that these resolutions are bogus to a certain extent. I often wonder why people do make these resolutions, then at the end of the year, never succeed to fulfill most of them. It's like we want to change, but our own circumstances hinder our longing of becoming that "changed" individual. I've made plenty of changes in my life, some for the better and some far worse than before. So I pose this question to you all... Why do people make New Year's Resolutions? Why must we change? Are we changing for us, or for someone else? Are you going to remain positive and be you, OR are you going to pretend to be happy for someone else?

Don't doubt yourself...find yourself

I moved out on my own 3 years ago, moved to a new city, a new place to call home, new school, new people to meet, and new terrain. I would have never thought of moving to the place I did, or to accomplish the things I already have. I was always being told that I have changed. I'm not a little girl anymore. I wanted to learn my lessons and find out what life was like outside the box. I took a leap of bravery and made everyday count. Frankly, when someone tells you, "You've changed", it simply means, you've stopped living your life, their way.

This year was mentally challenging to me. I'm a strong willed woman, and I faced other strong willed people. I needed to find myself alone and frail to really find myself standing on my own, brave and taking on this world, one day at a time. I'll admit that this year was the most depressing. I felt vulnerable to the world. I felt like everyone could see my imperfections and I needed to hide. I was tired of letting people think for me, speak for me, walk my life for me...I just needed to be an adult, a growing adult.

I want to do what I want to do this time. No looking back, no what if's, and's or but's. Life was meant to be lived forward, not backwards. I thought I knew moving up here for school I'd become a nurse and achieve to receive my B.S.N. Well, negative thoughts on, "what if I can't do this" , "I don't think I'm smart enough", started to run through my head. If you think negative, you'll get negative. I ended up briskly changing my career choice and thought I was happy. Turns out, I was more embarrassed that I didn't finish what I had started. My lesson that I learned this year, don't let anyone tell you that you're not good enough to live out your dream. My other lesson I've learned and I always tell people, never settle for less than what you deserve.

The New Year's Resolutions.

#1. I'm going to remain positive this year. ( Yes, one resolution )

I will not feel like I must settle, feel defeated or feel the need to quit. 2012 was a year that I came to apprehend who I needed to be. From this starting point, I will love myself more and more each day. I love how I have found myself and I need to accept myself for being true. Flaws and all, I am going to take this new year and do it how I see fit. 2013 is going to be a stupendous year and I can't wait to be me this time around. You don't have to be an extraordinary person, to extraordinary things!

J. Cay

Goodbye, My Darling Myca Ray...

I'm usually not mushy, gushy and I usually don't post twice in the same week, but I thought it would be nice. It's Christmas time! I have to admit, I was a grinch for a couple of years. I never liked Christmas. I like the message behind Christmas, but the whole getting gifts for people; I can't stand going shopping for people...they are so hard to shop for.  In fact this is about my heartache of loosing my beloved pet, Myca. She was such an awesome dog. Myca was rescued with another dog, Simon, which I still have him. He's 10 years old and is still trucking. Myca was 6 when we first met. She was disobedient and just down right stubborn. Her and I worked through everything together we did 4-H together and Simon did as well. She was awesome in agility. That was her thing, and her only thing. She was a beast.

My Myca Ray-Ray

As Christmas time rolled around for the past few years, it was hard for me to except the fact that she was truly gone. I was working Christmas day when my mom was calling me saying she wasn't doing too well. The days prior to Christmas, Myca was struggling with some abdominal issues. She was only 9 years old, we didn't expect anything worse to come out of this. It was busy at work on December 25th, 2009. My phone kept ringing, it was my mom. My heart sank as I picked up the phone. I can remember down to the exact time that she called to give me the news, it was 5:39pm. All my mom could say was, "I'm so sorry Jill, Myca is gone".  She said we had to take her to a city which was an hour and a half drive from where we lived at the time. I was speechless. At that moment, I hated that date. I hated the fact that I wasn't able to be there. I composed myself, walked up to my boss and told her I had to leave work. She hesitated even though she knew what my situation was. I sat in the car with my dead dog for an hour and a half. We arrived at the vet and I said my final goodbyes. What a way to remember Christmas, right?

It is now the year 2012. Three years later, I have finally let it be. I have accepted that she is in a better place, frolicking with other wonderful pets. Simon is healthy and free spirited. He's been there for me his 8 months of life until this day and I couldn't ask for a better solution. This year's Christmas is different...I'm positive!

RAINBOW BRIDGE:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown... 


That's all folks,

J.Cay

A dream is a wish...

When I think of life after high school, I think of the most amazing college years that are to come and then life that is to follow after.  In my case, everything came backwards, minus the high school years of course. My life after high school in a nutshell: I started community college for 2 years, got no where with that, joined the Army soon after, went to basic, finished all my training with the Army, bought a condo in Flagstaff, went to Northern Arizona University, quit after 2 years of being there (since I felt like I wasn't going anywhere with life...GARBAGE THOUGHT), since joining the Army I had to deploy to Afghanistan for 9 months, of which I am still here, 1 month to go, then going back to this thing called "life".

Look out NAU, here I come...again! :) 

I quit on NAU when I left for deployment. I enrolled in an online university which most "working adults" usually do. I didn't want to be in that category just yet.  I switched majors and took the risk of not graduating like all other college students do, 4 years later. Here I am Class of 2005, still no graduation or diploma to show for. In all my thinking, I have done more than any "regular college" student has done with their academic career or life, for that matter. I'm a war veteran! I have taken time to realize what it is that I want out of life. In fact, I knew what I've wanted all my life. I just manage to be influenced by people who don't have faith in me. That my dear friends, is a hard lesson learned. Don't ever let someone convince you that you aren't good enough to live your dream. If they think you are not great enough to live your dream, that means that they want what they can't have or, they want you to live their dream. They'll try to crush your dreams. You must have faith like a mustard seed in order to see the big picture. Depend on God, and he'll keep you going.

Being out here, alone, fed to the wolves ( at least that's what it feels like) you have a lot of time to think about life, lessons, people, job career, family, and the next steps you want to take with your life. Throughout my high school years I wanted to be in the medical field, helping people. I went to NAU for that same dream. It didn't happen. I was not tenacious enough to push through. Now out here thinking about every detail of my life, I realize, that dream is still there. I just have to let it live. I'm pondering about Exercise Science as my major. I got hurt out here. My hips are in agony everyday. I was told by my doctor that I could not run anymore. I am a runner, always have been. I'm never going to give up running until my body tells me no more. My body has not said that yet. I have found solutions to my bones hurting when I run. I want to share my experiences with anyone who is in a similar situation as I. Helping people is what I love to do. It's something that runs in my blood and I would hate for it to go to waste. End of thoughts are: pursue your dream and it will come true! You just have to believe in yourself to get that far.

J. Cay

Detach and Move On..

I was approached with an idea of marriage today. Marriage is what you make of it. I don't account for ever being in such a serious relationship. I will allow myself to be vulnerable right now as I type these thoughts out onto a blog, for everyone to see. My relationship status has been single for about four years. I started dating at the lovely age of 19. I've had a totally of 2 boyfriends ( not serious relationships ) and to be honest, I wasn't really happy in either one. Call me bitter, yes, or no, I don't mind either way. You haven't walked in my shoes yet. The first guy, not great, not anything, just some dude I ended up dating and to this day, I have not spoken to him. The second guy, great guy, long distance doesn't work, end of relationships.

The approached idea was that of me eventually getting married. It's in God's control what happens to me. Right? Right. I appreciate the concern for my happiness, but I'm happy with what I'm doing right now. I have seen all my friends who marry people, Christians or not, get divorces months or years later. Why is it a trend to get married...then have children, and pretend to be happy when you know you're not? 

I ask this person to kindly stop talking about it, cuz it's not of their concern, then out of no where, I get a line like, "don't try to control me". What the freak?! I just ask you to kindly stop talking about something that is really irrelevant to what we were just talking about.  Why are some people so knit picky? I just get tired of hearing it from every which way. STOP TELLING ME I AM GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE MY LIFE. Let God deal with that. I am fully aware of what is to come when it deals with marriage. I don't want to get married, it all ends ugly nowadays anyway. I mean, am I wrong for asking them to stop talking about something that I really don't have any interest in?

RIDICULOUS.

The aftermath of all of this is, they pull out the novels and novels of what is to come. Then there's the why I will eventually change my mind lines and all that other garbage. Pulling out scriptures of the Bible, which don't get me wrong, I have no issues with, but let go of the matter that doesn't concern you. Why does it involve shoving something down your throat that you really just don't want to hear? Like I said before, I am content with life as it is.  Christians start to shove things in other peoples faces, it bugs the crap out of me. Just let it go and stop giving advice that is not wanted. You're entitled to your opinions, yes, I would just like to have you respect my wishes. Apparently that is too much to ask of you and now I am supposedly a control freak. Lesson of today, people will say anything, you just gotta learn how to detach and move on. 

Keep Calm and Do CrossFit...

Me Doing a "Push Jerk". 

I have decided to get truly fit and toned. Like have a bangin' bod. Sooo. I have taken up this fitness shiznaz called CrossFit. Holy cow! It earns the word fabulous, in my opinion. I have never felt or looked so well toned or healthy in my life. Okay. Now there is talk about CrossFit being a cult. I think cult is too much of a strong word to be honest. When I hear the word cult, I automatically think of some religious, control freak, do as I say, or I'll kill you organization.  Dedication is the word I would like to use.

I think for those that call the CrossFitters cult members, are just the lazy, non- motivated people that lack better things to do. Find out for yourself. I have to admit, they are a bunch of people who are driven and lack laziness. I joined and I am so proud of the results and the motivation that comes with being apart of CrossFit. I have over come my fears of pushing myself to the limit. I've learned that CrossFitters bond together and form friendships that will last. 

BAM.

You have people that are the instructors, the fellow people who are ready to work out and you form a bond. Cult is really disturbing to use to describe CrossFit. You've got a "personal trainer" who conducts WOD's ( workout of the day) and you do it for time. You make it what you make it. If you're willing to push yourself to the limits and allow someone to cheer you on, then by all means, get ready for the time of your life. I'm in full beast mode, and I love every minute of it. It breaks me down, and I still want more! Working out on my own is so last year. Watch out world, CrossFit, here I come! 

J. Cay

Judge Me Not...

     Judgement. That's the word I choose to veer away from. People of today's society, judge in every way, shape, and form. If you're not perfect, get ready to be judged! Society is evil. Society can be negative. During Bible times, there was only one Judge, one person whom people answered to when their life was not up to par...God. It's true, in my opinion, that today's society just does not want to acknowledge that it's still that way. I've grown up hearing all the negative about someone, never ever, positive things. This person is evil, that person is not living their life correctly, you need to be more like Christ...hearing this as a 13 year old, I now realize how negative it truly was. 

Who's to decide your life, eternity, and everything else? = GOD

     The definition of judgment: "opinions are usually written by a single judge". How is it possible that everyone wants that entitlement? Why do people have such strong opinions about something that makes them feel the need to judge others? Is it because they were once judged about the same thing as the person they have their finger pointed at now? Thank you society for making it difficult to be yourself. I refuse to justify anything to anyone. I have not done so in 3 years of moving out on my own, and I don't plan on starting that up yet again. I know what it's like to be bullied, I know what it's like to judge someone, and then be judge against. 

J. Cay.

The Quadrants of People...



     It's been a while since I have written anything. It's now October. I'm still deployed in Afghanistan and will be until January-ish. Things that people do on a deployment are extremely interesting. The more I "chill" around this camp, the more I realize how the rest of the world operates. There are 4 kinds of people I have observed: the independent, the dependent, the sleazy, and the down right annoying people.

1.) The independent /  Google's definition: Free from outside control; not depending on another ones authority. Most people that are independent seem to love their status. It empowers them to a whole different level. Independents are usually single, some are also married, and some that forget they have a significant other. Why do people forget that...Is it because people are far from their loved ones that they are trying to find love in all the wrong places? I place myself in this category. I am single and love the life I live. I have a great job, I have a condo that is just fabulous, and a dog who is forever there for me. At this point, being deployed, I feel like I am stuck between independent and the dependent.

2.) The dependent/ Google's definition: a person who relies on another. Before I go into a simple detail, I would like to say...all of what I am writing is my own opinion. I am entitled to it and intend to keep it that way. Now, back to the subject. Dependents are those that need comfort and sympathy for all or most of their actions. I am not stating that they a weak, by all means. My observation here is, everyone needs someone. I think everyone is dependent in some way or another.

3.) The Sleazy/ Google's definition: Sordid, corrupt, or immoral. Everyone is nasty in some ways or another. My personal experience, people are just plain nasty. This is just my observation.  I won't go into detail, but man, some people have no respect for themselves.

4.) The Down Right Annoying people/ Google definition: Causing irritation or annoyance: "annoying habits". I work in a customer service job. I love it when I am not even done with doing my job and someone has to jump the gun and tell me to finish my job. REALLY. Some people just need to pipe down and relax. That is all they need to do.

Just trying to relieve stress and express my feelings. Those are my thoughts for this evening. Peace out.

J.Cay

The One Year Anniversary...

Fabulous!

WORLD! It's been exactly one year since I started my blog. Wowza!  I went back to read all my old blogs and man, what a trip down memory lane it was. :) Another year, another year of more blogs. So excited. Life is getting fabulous. Peace, love and hikes.

J.Cay ( and nope, I'm not kidding! )

Be Strong and Push Back...

     Don’t you just wish you could go back in time a reverse things? I do, on a rare occasion. An occasion that never needed an opinion, a lifetime experience to compete with what you just said or just to be plain argumentative. Casual talk turns into a debate. How do people live their lives like that? It’s foolish, especially if it’s for petty things. I don’t ask for people’s opinions; I am completely aware that people are entitled to the their opinions. I wish I was strong without someone there that I know will have my back. I WANT to be a strong individual. I think I am for the most part, however, you will have that obstacle in your face and you will just have to sometimes...bite the bullet.

Take the bull by the horns!

     I loathe people who think they know more than you and act like they have lived a thousand years beyond your age. Everyone has had those people whom are exasperating, irksome, vexing and the oh so NOT lovely people in their lives. It’s quite an adventure. In a way it’s a good thing…makes your skin tough and unbreakable. Never let anyone convince you otherwise, stick to your guns and push back. I’m slowly learning to push back. I’m tired of being run down by everyone. Get ready world…don’t make this Puerto Rican get outrageous. 

J.Cay

To Be Quite Frank...

     Let me just say this to start off, I have lots of gay friends who are near and dear to my heart. I may not agree with their life style, but I don't judge them because of the way they choose to live their life; they are a human being, just like anyone else. I'm tired of hearing about this whole Chick-Fi-Le crap that's going on. I wonder if the CEO is tired of hearing it as well? Yes, the mayor of Boston may fight them away from place their wonderful business in the city, but who are you to judge someone for how they believe life should be? Who are you to make your decisions based off of one person's opinion? Do we not have the rights to declare our opinions to others? Who judges people in the end, not man, but God does. Who are you?! I understand that some people live their lives like they are night and day...DIFFERENTLY. 

     I don't believe in gay marriage. Many young people and some older folks believe that it should be legal in all states. As for my beliefs and my opinions, I will always vote no to gay marriage. Call me old fashioned.  It's not in my up bringing and it's not how I choose to see life as homosexual. That lifestyle is an abomination to the Lord. However, people of different generations may agree or disagree with me. That's fine, you are entitled to your opinions fully. Bashing people for how they live or choose to live is not for me to decide. Bashing people as to why they are against it is not for you to judge. Only God can judge and I intend to keep it that way. I am entitled to my opinion. My friends who are gay are not foible people, they are strong personalities that will take on the world and achieve their dreams just like anyone. Only slight difference is, one prefers something the other does not. 

     I'm not writing this blog to piss anyone of, but I'm sure I will get some flack for it. I grew up in a Christian home. I grew up going to church knowing that I would be getting married to a man, not a woman. Once I moved out of the house and was completely on my own, I made my own decisions. I am not your average "think only inside the box" type of woman. I listen to people, they give me what they think is right and vice versa. I LISTEN to what people have to say. I don't throw Jesus and shove Jesus down their throat. I would hope that those people would bestow the same towards me. Not many people of my age are Republican/Conservative like, they like the government taking care of them and being inside their lives completely. I like less government involved and more power for people to handle their own insurance, their own property and their own LIVES. I don't judge people who are gay, I don't judge them in anyway shape or form, and I, like I said before; I hope they bestow the same towards me. That's my take on this. I'm not a subject matter expert, but from what I do know, I will express how I feel about it. Bam.

J. Cay. 

Not a fan...

Hmmm?

I'm not a fan of someone telling me I need a man in my life. Why, why, why? So I can be hurt all over again? No thank you. I'm fine and dandy all by myself. The last time I tried to be in a so-called relationship, it fell to the pits of hell. I am fine knowing that no one can hurt me again and again. I'm safe that way. Love is just a history that they may prove. It's pointless. I see way to many of my friends getting married and then divorcing  many months or years later. It's disgusting. If I ever married, the game is always going to end in a divorce. No matter what anyone tells me, it will end ugly. What better way to avoid it than to never be apart of it. Right? That's my view and I shall call it a night. 

J.Cay

From the Trenches...

     Well, I'll be darned! It's been a while since I've blogged about nonsense. HA. Soooo, here's what's happening! My life has a new chapter to add to it...Afghanistan. Yes, ladies and gents, this lovely country has me here courtesy of the US Army... It's not the average person's vacation spot. I'm deployed and life seems to be living from the trenches here. I am not use to the annoying people who stare at you twenty-four seven. Have they never seen anyone in a uniform before??I feel ugly everyday that I wake up and look in the mirror. I'm starting to hate this life. The pay is what is keeping me sane. I don't mind having people carry on a conversation with me, but don't be a creeper. Today was a hard day for me...mentally speaking. I don't even know how to describe the feeling. Maybe something happened that I am not aware of and it's affecting me anyway.

     Life could be worse. I have a roof over my head and free food. I've got people who annoy that crap out of me, except for one person...I work with 3 people. Yup, it's gonna be a great year. I can't complain too much...except for the people who have issues with that dang stare. Lady Gaga is in an awkward way, soothing to listen to after a long day of being vexed. Life in a nutshell from the sandbox.

J.Cay

Life is all of the above...

At times, life will throw you a monkey wrench. I wasn't prepared for mine. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision and if so, why do things unravel the wrong way? I need a restart. After these past few events this past month, I don't trust anyone. Friend or foe, don't expect me to trust you, EVER. You fool me once, shame on you, you fool me twice, shame on me. I'm going to be the best I can be and you cannot do anything. Suffer and be miserable in your guilt, which you don't even want to summon to your mind. If anyone wonders why I am quiet, and I don't open up to anybody anymore, well, you can thank a few people for it. For once in my life, I felt accepted and respected, but that slowly dwindled from reality. Maybe I rushed into a type of society that I wasn't mentally ready for? I've met a bunch of great people, but some could be deleted from my memory. 

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they go right. You believe lies so you can eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart, so that better things can fall together." -Marilyn Monroe

J.Cay

If you're going to San Francisco, make sure to wear a flower in your hair...

     The perks of being in the Army...you get to travel, A LOT. I went to California this week and boy did I have a freakin' blast!!! From Oakland to San Francisco, I was stoked to be there. I took pictures of a few things...I'll post them later. I saw Overstock.com Coliseum Stadium, aka where the Oakland A's and Oakland Raiders play...I have one word to describe that stadium, GHETTO. 

     The main thing I wanted to see was the Golden Gate Bridge. I have never felt so fantastically excited in my entire life. There are no words to describe San Fran; it's just an awesome place to be. I'd never live there, they drive like loons there! Muscle beach, well, that's self explanatory.

J.Cay

Madonna and Homework...

Seems as though, I can actually get school done when Madonna comes on my iTunes. I am trying really hard to self- motivate. CLEARLY, I am blogging instead of writing my paper. Who wants to write about managing human resources?? Bleck...this gal surely does not want to. HA! I may just go to Wendy's to grab some comida aka food in Spanish! I should have seriously graduated like 3 years ago. What you plan in life, most likely will change as you age. What a thought. Peace out my groupies. OKAY! Why did I just say groupies?? Hahaha. Time to get off this blogging business. Oh and just in case you were wondering what Madonna song I was jamming to, VOGUE, darlings, VOGUE.

J.Cay